CHOONGYING

Update yo

2012-02-17T03:56:00.001-08:00

I guess we are all the same. We live each day praying and hoping and then we eat and sleep. For students like us we study like some crazy pigs just to achieve that shining As. That's pretty much our life. Life. How do we define life? Geography people will say those shit about quality of life blah blah blah. Lit people will say some cheem phrases and how we should be enjoying life. Triple science people will say some shit ass about biology and how body functions and how we live. Art people would be more abstract. They would say life is some sort of creativity da da da. But Unfortunately, I don't fall into any of those categories although I'm in triple science. Honestly speaking I don't even know why I choose triple science in the first place. To impress my mum and family? To get that title? To have that chance to be in the same class as you? But more honestly, I don't even know why or what I am studying for HAHAHA XD sigh. Questions questions questions. All these questions you may ask over and over again but it will never have an answer and nobody will ever answer you. Heh. I'm moving. I'm moving house. Yep. It's gonna be more tiring from now onwards and definitely more 辛苦. But if that can exchange for a better life in the future and allow me to grow, then so be it. If that can exchange me to still study in cedar and be in the clarinet section and be with the people i love then so be it. I don't believe Choong Ying cannot make it. I have faith in myself yep. Heh (: nothing can ever beat Choong Ying down from now on. Maybe this is the crucial key. The key in opening my door to allow me to be stronger. I will become stronger. There's always a second chance. Right? I will become a better me like when I was in sec 1. I promised you and I will do it. I have to get used to the crying and crumbling down parts in my life though. Everytime I cry or when I just let go of all those stress and just crumble down I will stop halfway cause I will become very afraid. I have to overcome that though. But!!!!!!! I have faith in myself and I will succeed ((((: yay.

Oh ya I'm in OAC campfire dancing == hard to imagine righttttttt!! >< hahahahahahahaha XDD I mean me? Choong Ying? Dancing? HAHAHA XD but Vanessa ask me join with her then ok lors hahah XD

Hmmhmmhmm Alicia so cutiepie lors. She is so cute I love her so much. Like so so very much heh XD and I super love the clarinet section huishin Tracy weilin Cheryl Angie and Audrey Denise Vanessa and my new found friend jia wen!!!! I finally found someone who loves domo as much as me wheeeee!! XDDD hehehe.

Ohya last thing XIAO GUI HUANGHONGSHENG YAYAYAY ((:

P/s I will tell you bout my birthday soon heh. Now still exam period wts.

对不起哦

2012-02-12T02:08:00.001-08:00

真的很抱歉哦
这几天鹅哦很可能会MIA了
唉有考试啊啊啊啊啊啊
我一定会尽快update这里的
好吧拜拜拜!!!
欣赏一下小鬼的照片吧
小鬼最可爱了

情人节

2012-02-12T02:06:00.001-08:00

情人节快到了
虽然隔天要考试
还有当天有团练
不过.................
小鬼啊啊啊啊啊 ><
我好想和你一起度过情人节哦哦哦哦哦

3rd FEBRUARY

2012-02-03T07:47:00.000-08:00

HELLO. TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!
THATS NOT GOOD NEWS SIGH.
THIS MEANS I'M GETTING OLDER OMG.
HAHAHAHAHA ANYWAYS TODAY WAS
PRETTY SWEET AND TOUCHING AND HAPPY
EXCEPT THE END.
BUT THATS LIFE ISNT IT <3
I SHALL WRITE ABOUT TODAY TMR. HEH.
IN THE MEANTIME.
JUST LET ME HAVE SOME TIME TO COOL DOWN
THINK THROUGH SOME STUFFS
AND MAYBE REALLY CRUMBLE DOWN
FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME EVER IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE 15 YEARS OF LIFE.

you know something? Yep. i think you are right.
maybe the reason why all these happened is because of
these facades i created around me.
maybe if i really for the very first time let myself crumble down
maybe i can get out of this maze.
but i'm scared. im afraid.

i feel bad. i feel lost again.
why ? why does all these keep happening to me one bye one?
why do i have to find out today?
为什么偏偏是今天啊...
你真得这么想吗?
对你来说我是你的绊脚石对不对.....
i'm reeally sorry.

AHH DONT MIND ME.
ENJOY XIAO GUI'S PICTURES OKAY WHILE
I GO EMO DOWN THERE HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
JUST KIDDING UHHS.
I AM GOING TO THINK THROUGH SOME STUFFS.
BYE.

祝我生日快乐
祝我生日快乐
祝我生日快乐
祝我生日快乐
happy birthday to me
happy birthday to me
happy birthday to me
happy birthday to me
la la la la la la
la la la la la la
la la la la la la
la la la la la la
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
HAHAHAHAHAHA I'M SO WEIRD RIGHT.
BUT WHAT TO DO.
MY OWN MAMA DONT EVEN KNOW I HAVE BIRTHDAY TODAY
UNTIL NOW SHE STILL DIDNT SAY ANYTHING NIA
SIGH. MAYBE SHE FORGOT BAHS AHHH DONT KNOW LARHS
ANYWAYS CHOONG YING! YOU ARE SO OLD NOW
CANNOT BE SO IMMATURE ANYMORE OKAY
AND MUST TRY HARDER TO CHANGE OKAY!
HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA YAYAYAYAYAY THIS CAKE LOOKS SO NICE I FEEL LIKE EATING IT
YUMZ.

我的爱爱小鬼YOOOOO.

2012-01-29T03:22:00.001-08:00

我好想和黄鸿升一起度过情人节哦哈哈哈哈 XDDD I so pedooooooo. >///<
AHHHH but 喜欢一个人并没有错啊^^
And 台北下着雨的星期天 is such a nice song! Go and listen. Quite sad though. The GF died :(

LONG UPDATE YO.

2012-01-29T03:11:00.000-08:00

HEY YO YO YO.
HOW WAS YOUR PREVIOUS WEEK HUH HUH HUH . MINE WAS SUPER AWESOME TEEHEEHEE. BET YOU ARE SUPER JEALOUS JEALOUS HUH HUH ^^
wakakaka~~~ so last week was CNY! HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR YO. i went malaysia on friday ^^ then went ahma there. teeheeheee ZOMG it was da BOMBBBBB. teeheehee played diamond dash like super damn alot. then at night ate like 10 course meal cans. WALAO. i think i put on like 10kg or sth i swear. hehehe all the meals were DELICIOUSLY SUMPTUOUS. wakakaka i help out you know! ^^ so proud of myself ~~~ and i cooked one dish. walao. one plate of vegetables was as big as the food for a hippo ZOMG. hahahaha. then as usual the third generation people had to do the washing. then my cousins good larhs. did manicure then put nail polish worhh worhh worhh. so in the end i did the 3 days of washing dishes. HEH. but not bad uhhs~ jiu jiu was so nice he helped me teeheehee <3 i tell you i totally LOVE my jiujiu cans. he's like the best guy on earth. *not including xiao gui of course. heh. next is xiao jiu. OMGOMGOMG. he's the second best guy heh. he was super duper niceeeeeeeeeee! ^^ at night after the countdown righttttt we went to play the firework. OMG DAMN PRETTY I TELL YOU. 炮真的超好玩的!! after you light up the 炮 right then its like a dynamite liddat, you have to faster throw it FAR AWAY from you then it will burst and BOOM. firework tadaaaa~~~ hehehe. there was one it was called 'bumblebee'. you know why?? cause after you light up and throw it away, it'll fly up and follow you around! not exactly follow but fly in all directions. so you have to really run away from the 'firework' heh. then guocong kor kor damn nice lors. cause i was the only one in the family that day (cause all the women in the house went to their husband side ma only me at ahma house) (my mama was at the hospital so yupz. technically you can say i didnt spend my CNY with her) (quite sad but it CNY was fun, anyway its she ask me dont spend it with her one, make me ultra sad but jiujiu managed to cheer me up up up!) <- did i mention how nice he was! HAHAHAHA . the yupz. after the countdown played 炮until like 2 plus. then slept. then yepppp. da jiu was supernice too yayayayay ^^ hahahaha. i tell you ahhhh the food at my ahma there is like what horrible plus terrible ahhhhh. hahahaha many like boomz but always finish like slurps. hehehehe anyways to sum it all up, this year CNY was although short but the best CNY i have ever experienced. ^^ angpao money not alot but its the BESt. show you pictures bahs :D
雪梅阿姨&& me && guocong korkor

HAHAHAHA guocong kor kor becoming fatter and fatter and plumper every year uhhs XDDD
qtpie. and ahyi forever not smiling then always blame me for taking such an ugly picture of her.
also not say very ugly larhs. BUT STILL MUST SMILE MAHHS HAHAHAHAHAH XDDD

阿弟弟&&阿妹妹&&me&&舅舅!!!!!!!!

heheheheh this picture so qtpie right.
this is my super nice jiujiu <3 slurps and loves.
and my ahmeimei ahhhhh, walao she become so bimbo lors. = =
say what must smile sideways then will have dimple then will be pretty WALAO. last time not liddat one uhhs.
now got crush already must be nicer okkkkk! HAHAHA.
but our relationship really improved already ^^ we became closer already hehehe.
but WHY YOU ALWAYS COPYCAT ME WHATEVER I DO HAHAHAHAHAHA.
auya nevermind larhs, i dont really care. happpy can already XD
my ahdidi forever the same one larhs. cute as ever.

ME && MY SUPER DUPER NICE JIUJIU

ILOVETHISPICTUREWITHMYERJIULOCESANDSLURPS.
though it was really 可惜 sigh. but stilL!!! loves and slurps.

阿妹妹&&connie阿姨&&me

HAHAHAHAHA SEE MY AHMEIMEI PEDO SMILE SIDEWAYS SMILE !!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA XDDDDD AHMITUOFOBODUOAHHHH HAHAHAHA XD
SO FARNEY HUH HUH. but love that new shirt of mine !!! ^^

WOOHOOHOO IF I DIE YOUNG PLAYING NOW ON THE RA-D-I-O-O-O-O-O~~~ XD
LOVE THAT SONG. LIKE EFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

hehehehe. oh did i tell you our class noticeboard so damn freaking cool.

I DID THE TREASURE MAP WITH ADLYN AND TRACY UHHS!! COOL RIGHT HAHAHA.

HEHEHEHEHEHE. AND AND AND YUPZ. CLARINET WAS DA BOMBBBBB <3
ohya btw i dont think i'll be going fot the taiwan trip in march already.
dont think can :( and it prolly wont be as fun cause all my darlings not going.

see my lovely darlings. <3

teeheehee yupz. no darlings go where will be funfunfun uhhs???
hahaha now thinking back righttttt the sec 2s that never go so 可惜lorrrr...
hehehehehe but nevermind! clarinet Sec 2s sec 3s are still all my lovely darlings. hehehehhh XD
ohya on wednesday we really practiced super duper hard and never even talk for 1 minute. heh.
YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY ^^
ladidumdidumdidum. hope the 风波with the seniors would end soon and we can be friendlier?
hehehehehe anyways next week which is tmr the week,
got so many test lors walao.
then the week after got common tests already EFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.
choongying jiayou jiayou cannot slack already uhhsuhhsuhhs!! hehehe.

ohyaaaaa i got skype~~~ whoots~~~
add me add me add me!!! ^^ username: dumberlydumb
hehehehhhhh as usuallllllll i'm forever a dumbo heh heh heh XDDD

and guess whatttttttttttt. yumyummoo so nice hehehehehehe XD
okay i sound so weirddddd but he really is super nice. ttm ttm ttm ~
wakakakaka~ cant wait for the next letter to arrive but i shall be patient~
love the feeling of waiting for letters.
it means that there is someone out there who appreciates you and thats why writing a letter to you ^^
teeheehee XD

yupzyupzyupz shall end here for now. need to revise already
cannot slack anymore uhhs!! hehehehehe XD

to all my darlingsssss JIAYOU okkk~ <3
LOVEYOUGUYS! ^^
must 天天快乐 ok~~~ XD

denise 我的爱爱！stacey huiyee

alicia 我的爱爱我的老婆我的初恋情人

huishin 我的'妈妈' XDDD

audrey

FAITH YO

clarinet

angie HERMIT CRAB

KRYSTAL YO

JINGWEN YO

WEILIN HUISHIN ALICIA SLURPS

and the sec 2 clarinet whom i dont have i picture with :(

P/S alicia 我的爱爱 iloveyou so much teeheehee! be happy okkkk! ^^
PP/s huishin 我真得很对不起真心希望我们可以再从头开始我爱你也是
ppp/s denise 我爱爱爱爱爱你!! hehehehe XD
pppp/s yumyummoo! LOLOLOLLLLLLLL XD

CHINESE NEW YEAR

2012-01-24T05:18:00.000-08:00

OMG CHINESE NEW YEAR WAS THE BLAST I TELL YOU HEHEHE
so ... i shall not tell you now cause i'm not in the mood now,
i'm so tired and fucked up now. maybe tomorrow ok.
I'm saying maybe. so see how lors.
but anyway to sum it up it was AWESOME and AWESOME.
though i didnt celebrate it with my mama.
weird yes but dont ask me why.
i have no reason to tell you. who are you to me?
saw this tumblr picture today:

well true isnt it. tsk.
ahh whatever. CNY 2012 WAS SO FUN TEEHEEHEE
i seriously love going back malaysia to visit my ahma and ahgong and all my relatives
we are so close i realise (well not exactly but still close compared to all the families i've met
and it was so funny and nice :>
hahahhahaahahaha

tomorrow there's band. i'm so sick and tired of myself.
for losing that passion for band and i'm so hating myself
for choosing cedar as my choice.
i hate the distance to school.
i hate the person i'm becoming into.
i hate staying up so late.
i hate waking up so early
and etc etc. i can like name so many things but i have no mood now = =
sigh. but one thing good is yepp. *ahem*

yupz. okay. so tmr i will be talking with you.
hope it turns out well.
lets see how it works out.
okay bye.

Confusion and complicatedness.

2012-01-21T09:43:00.001-08:00

Okay hi. I know it's been so long since I've updated... I'm really sorry !! Hehehe. Hmmhmmhmm do many many things have happened to the clarinet section and my family. The things I hold dear. Which one should I start first? Family I guess. It's gonna be shorter this time. Surprisingly. Well things aren't going as smoothly as it seems and although I seem pretty wts and wtv on the outside, everyday I dread going home and even when I'm at home I will just lock my self in the room and go on the Internet. Well you can say I'm probably just trying to escape this cruel reality by entering this fantasy of mine. Well but that at least makes me happy. Sorta. Even if it's a fake one, I was truly genuinely happy at that point of time. So I think no matter how much, it was worth it. Yupz. No matter how many people put me down i promise I'll stand up no matter what. Well unless it gets too overwhelming again then that's a different case. Yupz. End of family part HAHA LOL. Okay next stop, clarinet section.

Clarinets and seniors and you.
Should I name out everybody? Cause it'll be easier for you to comprehend but I think it's better not right. Later confirm kena more misunderstandings wan haha what the shit. Hmmhmmhmm, so firstly let's start with the climax ok. Then I'll slowly link it all up for you to see. You might want to read from other people and hear from other people too cause I can't guarantee that my post is all that objective. I mean I am not perfect. I am biased. So, yupz. Let's start! ^^ well the climax has got to be the scolding/lecture/confrontation the seniors gave us on thursday. So the seniors were pissed off at us for playing and not practicing during sectionals. So they scolded us and said our attitude was bad and stuff. I cannot remember the exact 'scolding' by what I will remember for a lifetime was: do you know that what you all did was so childish that you don't deserve our respect anymore? Yupz, something along that line bout childish and not deserving respect. And another part: though we may not be as good as the previous seniors, at least we were better than you all we could play Persia by the end of sec 1s and what about y'all? Up until now y'all can't even play the running notes smoothly! Ya something along that line though it's not the exact dialogue. The rest of the scolding I kinda remember it but these two lines kinda stood out more than the others in comparison. So I should start with the seniors first right? Then get on to her. If not it'll be very confusing for you. So I'm not saying its entirely their fault but it isn't entirely our fault too. Yes I admit. I did play and not practiced during audition and sectionals on Tuesday and Wednesday. But during audition I did not play like more than half of the practice ok. I mean you can ask qi yang. She was there teaching me the first clar part for set vogelhandler. We did practice. Not a lot but we did. And yes I admit our playing, no my playing sucks and my god. I can't even compare to a primary school kid. Quoting that from mr ong. I can't even play a fucking D. Like the high high high one. The fuck and I'm supposed to play that note very often how the fuck do yall tink I felt? Of course I felt upset larhs. You can ask qi yang. I was totally depressed when I cudn play the high high high D and she was like there teaching and helping me to get a D. Yes l admit my tone sucks my attitude sucks my playing sucks I can't even compare to a primary school kid and there are so many people in the clarinet section that are better than me. Yes I admit. I totally lost the passion for band and I didn't practice a lot. Yes this is totally my fault I get it. And I'm really sorry about it. I am. Really. Being really serious here. BUT the thing is why do you have to link the things to Persis and respect?!?! Yes I know we can never ever be better than you or even be on par with your playing but seriously when you said about the Persis thing I was so pissed off I almost blasted off. Y'all got your Persis score at the start of the year and what about us? In august/September. Y'all have your seniors to teach you at the start of the year and what about us? December. Y'all have music background and like idk and what about us? We were slow. Maybe I should just say about me and not generalizing it. Ok so anyways, I am slow. The last time I touched my violin was what? When I was in P5? I couldn't even remember the notes like how to read the notes ok. We had to start from the very basic and some of y'all already have music background (and is still continuing it) and like ya. So how can you compare Persis? If you really wanna compare I can boldly say that we're actually much better than y'all ok. We CAN play Persis now. We can. Since last year beginning we CAN play Persis. It's just that we never show it to y'all that's all. And yknow what. We started out slower than y'all but we learnt it faster than y'all. So if you really wanna compare so much , aren't we much better and smarter than y'all? So yeah. I extremely hate this when y'all link to stuffs that wasn't related because I know y'all only wanna scold us for playing during sectionals and not practicing. BUT HEY DUDE. LINKING THAT TO OTHER STUFFS AIN'T COOL OK. It's fucking disgusting. And you said our section is the worst section in the whole band in terms of playing. WELL GUESS WHAT. How can you say that infront of our sec2s?? Our juniors are much and way better than the other section's juniors ok. When they could play twinkle twinkle start all the other sections were still learning how to play the first three notes. SO HOW CAN TOU SAY WE'RE THE WORST? At least say that to us and leave our juniors out right. And have y'all any idea how much effort they put in and how hardworking they are? The moment band started and they got their instruments they started borrowing home their instruments. Unlike us, or me, the first time I brought back my instrument was instructed by mrs tan. Yeah, and I bet you also ok. SO how can you say that their attitude is bad? And while we were playing during sectionals and audition the sec2s were busy practicing. So why didn't any of you say anything? Why must you include them in the lecture too? And say those harsh words too? I personally don't really care cause since sec 1 we have been trained to get used to them already. But the sec2s are just like us when we were in sec 1. You have practically no idea how hurt we were everytime the harsh words or sarcasm were directed at us. We could be upset and hurt totally for weeks and months but y'all didn't care. At all. So we can totally understand how the sec 2s feel. Because to y'all, apparently y'all thinks that seniors should be mean and fierce and give the juniors the what the fuck attitude to make them respect you before you can make friends with them. Well you know something, it's not effective. And it sucks. Totally. Wanna know why our section wasn't bonded like the others? We were all scared of you. Afraid of getting hurt by y'all. Afraid of doing something wrong that could offend you. So we were all very cautious to the extent that we didn't dare to converse with you. Even when a problem arises, unless it's really no choice, we don't even dare to tell you. HAVE YOU ANY IDEA HOW AFRAID WE WERE OF YOU??? Yall probably don't. And to think y'all can relate this scolding to respect. Y'all said we were too childish that we don't deserve your respect. Wow. I totally can't believe y'all said that. Since when have yall respected us? We were just some garbage juniors whom you can order around and treat us anyhow. When you need us to show off or need us to help y'all do stuff, y'all will be so nice and friendly but if we're of no use, y'all are like what the heck to us. The fuck. Want me give example? Of course can. For example: senior is with friends. Junior walks past, senior wanna show off or something idk, senior will say hi in a very sarcastic yet authoritative way. But when the same senior is along and junior walks past and say hi, thinking that senior has already accepted her, senior just walks away ignoring junior and making junior look so stupid down there. Have you any idea how hurt I was when you did that? Why did you think we say we'll be so sad and we think we would even cry when the sec 4s seniors leave (2011 sec4s) but when the sec 3s leave I think I will just be normal lors. WHY? Because you all have no idea how much hurt and pain you have caused us. Yeah. That's why I was pretty upset with y'all. But I was also in the wrong so I actually have no right to be angry. Yupz I am not the best junior but you're not the best senior either. So let's just call quits ok. 我们就算扯平吧. Yeah. So I went home and thought about it and I wasn't angry with y'all anymore. I mean it and I am serious about it. I'm sorry for playing during sectionals and I promise I would work harder. Making y'all to be disappointed is our fault and I'm really sorry. But to tell you the truth, I'm pretty disappointed in y'all as well. I know I sound rude but well that's my POV so you can actually heck care about it. Yupz. 就把他一笔勾销吧 (:

Woah. Long huh. Now next up is the real thing why I'm so fucking upset. The reason is you. Omg I can't believe it's you you know. I kept telling myself that it was just an misunderstanding but today I finally woke up from all those dreams and nightmare and realize how cruel this world actually is. Why? Do you know that you mean a lot to me? I treat you more than just a mere friend. I treats you as my best buddy someone whom I can rely on someone whom I can talk to. Ever since sec 1 I have been talking to you and I thought through these 3 years we were considered close enough. Apparently it isnt. I am just a normal friend to you. Nothing more nothing less. I thought we were actually considered close. But I guess it isn't do in your eyes. Though interest you as one of my top priorities i'm like the lowest level in you heart and I can't even be compared to the seniors that treat us so badly when we're in sec 1 and 2. Apparently all those times we had together was fake. I still cannot accept that fact do you know that. I can't believe it ok. And I don't wanna believe it. But today I finally confirmed it. With another person. And I wasn't the one who started that conversation. I can't believe I trusted you so much and this is how you treat me. Being pissed with the seniors and complaining about them is a natural thing when you know sone parts of their lecture ain't right. Accepting that it is your fault and telling everyone that it is your fault when it isn't isn't right. Which is why I complained about those parts. But other than that, when qi yang was complaining to me about their harsh words and us playing instead of practicing I DIDN'T ADD A FUCKING THING. I added to the parts that pisses me off only which is stated above clearly. But you just vented your anger at me. Do you know that when you did that, how hurt I felt? You meant so much to me and I considered you as my close friend even though you didn't , and you didnt even listen to me talk finish. You know when you did that it's kinda obvious that you were affected a lot by the lecture and because you did practice you felt 委屈 and cause I was playing instead of practicing you thij it's my fault which is why you were angry at me for complaining. Because to you I don't even have the rights to complain anyway. Firstly I didnt complain about that about that part and secondly you are right. The seniors shouldn't have included you during the lecture. They shud have just lectured me Alicia weilin and Cheryl only. We were the ones that played what. I know the seniors meant a lot to you although you kept denying it but you know what I still can't believe you would actually choose them over me. Yes I know. I overestimated myself isn't it. Who am I to you anyway? I'm just merely a friend. Who are the seniors to you? They are your beloved seniors. Yeah I'm hurt and I still can't believe you did so many things and when I was talking to her today she told me many stuffs that you told her although I didn't ask a lot. And I can't believe you did those stuffs. So the past 2 years were fake. How am I supposed to continue being who I used to be infront of you now? Why ? Why are the people from Your primary school all like this one? Why? If I did something wrong I'm so sorry. But why must the two years I cherished so much with you be fake? When she told me today that it was fake, I almost wanted to cry out instantly. 我是真的把我所有的感情都陷入了进去可是你呢? 我在你心里到底算什么? 只不过是一位普通的同学, 真不敢相信我们连朋友得名誉都不是...... 我们的这两年难道真的都是假的吗? 我该相信他还是该相信你啊? 还有我并不是在逃避现实如果要逃避我早就逃走了根本就不会留在这里承受这么多的委屈... 我真的把你当成是我其中最要好的朋友难道我真的不是吗? 我真的那么没出息那么没用? 唉算了要来得迟早都会来. 现在看清了也好以后成交朋友我会更小心得而且我也不会再轻易地相信别人了 . 真没想到到最后让我不要再轻易相信别人的竟然是你。我对我自己真的是太失望了. I'm such a fucking useless fellow. Sigh

Yeah but out of all these unhappiness there are still some happiness. He just sent his third mail here and I'm pretty elated about it ^^ and I can see him again yayayay. Lastly I finished my hmk so yay. And I got 小鬼 album YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY. I'm still so happy about it :>

2012-01-14T06:18:00.001-08:00

shall update tmr ok. i'm tired. haha. nice day (well halfly) LOL.

Happiness can be so simple

2012-01-11T05:26:00.001-08:00

Hi. Just a short teeny post. I'm so happy today. Half day. No jogging. Section outing cafe cartel and thousands of neo-s. PACKAGE arrived today too!!!!!!!!!!!! ^^ 我的小鬼!! (: and the super cute letter^^ yep. Okay. Nights.

Monday. Good day until.... The end.

2012-01-09T04:06:00.001-08:00

Oh hi hi hi peepo. I'm blogging on a Monday! Monday blues? Well not exactly larhs cause today was pretty much a good day until the last part. I'll get to that but just let me tell you my hilarious story today. So today as usual I went to school and dadada~ Yepp. Quite a peaceful day. People were nice and my classmates all smiled at me oh my gosh. I should smile at people more often. I feel bad now hahaha. They are all so nice OHMYGOSH. Hehehe I feel so blessed in 3A :D teeheehee. I really wanna help out in the notice board and do a part for 3A. I'm starting to love this class. Teehee. Double Chinese and double maths wasn't that bad after all! I stayed awake the whole day and lessons weren't tiring at all. I actually learnt quite a few things HAH. Then went for jogging and we cheered! Woohoo~ first time ever I cheered as a class HAH. Felt nice to be part of sth. 3A is so nice <: LOVEYOU 3A. Wanna stay back next week the Tuesday and thursday to do the notice board lors... But band....... Sigh. I love both. People seems to always ask me to choose between band and sth else == band and coals. Band and Barcelona. Band and notice board hah. And out of all these I ALWAYS choose band somehow. Heheh. Feel loyal suddenly. LOL. Yeap. Oh did I tell you! Our wonderful seniors (faith's batch!) did so excellent in their o levels (average score of 9.1!!!!!!!!) and so we got a half day off on Wednesday! Woolala~ teeheehee ! And during recess saw Alicia and I suddenly want a section outing so I told her and yeappp she said she want it too!! YAYAYAY. So I think we really are going~ hmmhmmhmm. Then after that went for Chem lecture. Was lucky enough to grab a chair HAHAHAHAHA. Then after that comes the hilarious part. Was quite urgent so went to pee with Tracy. Like straight after lecture cause we went to the garnet room. Then I went into this cubicle and I went to check if it was clean AND GUESS WHATTTTT. I accidentally dropped my correction tape into the toilet bowl!!!!!! >///< Urgh. Hahahahahahahahaha. I totally stoned there for awhile. Then I actually asked Tracy what should I do!!! And she was like pick it up. And yes. I did pick it up WITH THE HELP OF SO MICH TISSUE PAPER and washed it with soap -,- HAHAHAH. So it was drenched and we dissect it and dry it. Surprisingly it is still usable. And now it has a nice smell cause of the soap -,- LOL. Then went back dadada pretty much the same. Oh during SS lecture right, I was sitting beside elleze. And tracyvof course. Haha but that wasn't the point. Anyways. So elleze was like hi Choong Ying! And I turned around (as usual) and when I saw elleze somehow I just stoned there for like 5 seconds. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I was like ehhh? Did elleze just said hi or sth??? LOL. Cause last year and last last year when I walk past elleze she would always pretend to never see me or just ignore me mah and today she actually said HI!!! :O was shocked. The second thing was I thought Elmaine said hi instead of elleze -,- I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE I MIXED THEM UP OH GOSH. I FEEL SO MEAN AND BAD AND IDK WHAT :( SORRY ELMAINE AND ELLEZE!!! I PROMISE I WILL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!!! >///< sigh. Yupz. Then yeah went for dental and got a shock of my life. WALAO. The dentist scaled half of my tooth without asking my permission mans. She totally just said she was gonna pluck out my tooth and I was like WHATTTTTTTT and she scooped like half my tooth out to scale it. -,- damn pain cans. It was bleeeeeeeding ! :( AND IT HURTS ALOT. So now I have no appetite and stuff Urgh. EVIL DENTISTTTTTTTT. I'm never going there ever again RAWR. ARGH I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE SHE PLUCKED OUT MY TOOTH WTH. Hahaha. Yeah. Epic and hilarious day. There's more to come sigh. But this year mrs chia didn't call my number that often already tralalalalala~ still rmbr last year FOREVER number 4 one hahaha LOL. Hmmhmmhmm. Yeah I was happy cause I also received his reply WHICH WAS SO SWEET. The mail haven come yet~ I'm waiting lalala~ it's coming anytime soon! Teeheehee ! Love the wait WAKAKAKA~ Now to the sad part. Huishin didn't come school today! Was quite sad larhs. Sigh. Hope her fever faster subside (did I use this word correctly?) and speedy recovery!!! And be healthy again!! :( and and and the next thing why I'm so upset now is cause ... Idk if I should say it cause it isn't a big deal by it still hurts larhs. Maybe I'm too sensitive or sth but still the pain is still there. Not too much but it's there. Well since this is my place I shall say it whether you like it or not. Tsk lalala~ HELLO. AM I INVISIBLE TO YOU GUYS? Tsk. WHY IS IT THAT WHEN I TREAT Y'ALL AS MY TOP PRIORITY Y'ALL HAVE TO TREAT ME LIKE THAT. AGAIN. Sigh. Yeah so to make sure I wasn't invisible I kinda got stupid and did some stupid things to make sure I wasn't. But don't worry it wasn't anything serious. It was plain stupid-,-. Like for example I pinched myself. I asked my cousins if they could see me. And some other stupid things -,-. Sigh. But I still don't get why. Sigh. Wtv. I'm gonna msg my sweetheart now WAKAKAKA~ heck care about all this already. Teehee. Show you my cutie pie and sweety pie Kay!! <:

Second week of 2012

2012-01-07T19:55:00.001-08:00

Oh hi! Long time no blog. Ok not really very long but about a week? Ok I have MIA-ed longer than this before but wtv. I don't really care. Ok so, last year about like late December liddat I quarrelled with my mama. Ok you would have guessed that right haha but Anws. Now is so awkward cans. It's like I wanna talk to her like just talk to ease the atmosphere but all she does is nod her head and like totally ignore me. Like the fuck. Are you like some kid or sth!!!!!!!!!!! Urgh seriously. So I got pissed off and we didn't talk for like 2 whole days. You can totally imagine the awkwardness and the tense atmosphere. Ok maybe I'm in the wrong for like getting pissed at this kinda things. But imagine. You keep talking and talking but the other party doesn't wanna reply you or doesn't even wanna acknowledge your existence. Why bother? Yeah exactly. And when we don't talk, it's less awkward. Well for me at least. Cause I was looking at the band photo the whole time. Yes. 1band photo lasted me 5-9hours of staring. So maybe it was awkward for her idk. But anyways. She had to go to the hospital so the time when she went I did my own stuff (as usual) and looked through the past photos and just like how it happens in a drama , I found her diary. AMAZINGLY DRAMAMA isn't it. Yeah so I did what my instinct told me. Opened it and read it. Well apparently. What was inside disgust me a little but it also touched me a little. Ok maybe disgust is too big a word but still i can't seem to find a word to replace it. It was in 2010. The year where all this started. The year where she got this illness. Yeah so I won't really tell you what's inside the diary cause firstly it's her privacy and secondly, it was in Chinese so I got lazy and skipped 70% of the pages. But I read the important parts. And well. I don't know what to say. Sometimes she can be mature but sometimes she can be so childish. Sigh. And I realised I don't know my mum that well. But neither does she know me well too. You can totally ask her what is my class and she will be like err 2A? Sigh. She doesn't even know my sec 3 class or when is my CCA or anything about me. But I have no right to say anything cause indont know much about her either. Maybe this year. I should spent some time reading that 70% of the remaining pages and get to know more about my own mother. Maybe this way, we can be like how we used to be and perhaps, when she is gone (I'm not cursing or anything but just stating the facts. I mean she's not doing anything about her sickness and what? I can tell you blatantly that she is just waiting. Waiting to ---. ok I know this is mean of me but the truth is always cruel) I wouldn't regret so much. Or feel bad or anything cause I did tried my best. Yepp.

Life is pretty sad so I'll just go with the flow. Please let it go smoothly. Please.

Okay next seriously. I'm so pissed off at you okkkkk. I mean not only are you the only one suffering but everyone is suffering too ok. When you feel stressed you vent it on me i didn't say anything. But when I'm stressed and venting at my own self why are you getting pissed off?!?! I'm not even venting at you!!!!! >< and why are you still angry? Angry for what! Urgh!! SERIOUSLY MANS. WHY CAN'T ADULTS BE MORE MATURE OR STH. WHY ARE THEY ALL SO IMMATURE AND PETTY AND IDKW WHAT. ARGH. Pissedd off haha. But oh we'll. What to do. You are the adult. Just heck it and let nature takes its course lors. Sigh.

Hmmhmmhmm and thennnn.. Oh ya. Oh I'm so pleased and happy and glad that at least one thing in my life is worth waiting for. I'm waiting for my second letter (: I like letters. It makes me feel happy and loved. I like the wait for letters. It's like waiting for something that you know is nice which is gonna happen. And the feeling when you open up the envelope and stuff oh gosh. The excitement the adrenaline rush the happiness just overwhelms you and poof! 幸福的滋味~ hahaha. Yep. So I'm really happy and yeah. Hope your exams go smoothly bahs :) hahaha I'll continue.

Oh ya. Denise is so sweet!!! I'm so happy and lucky and 庆幸 that I have a friend like her (: she is like always there for me and never abandon me or treat me like some kinda trash one lors hehehe (: I'm so happy and glad to have her. I will treasure this friendship really well and yeah (: I love her.

Huishin and the clarinet ppl too (: they are such nice peeps and thank you all. Love you guys. (:

And hopefully I will get closer to class 3A and bond more and make more friends hehehe (: Yepp.

Finally 加油小鬼黄鸿升!! (: you are so cute.

First day of 2012.

2012-01-01T03:26:00.001-08:00

今年的第一天跟往来的日子都一样. 没什么特殊的事情. 不晓得这是好事还是坏事呗.. Hehehhh. I wonder why I wrote the recent posts in mainly Chinese. Probably cause people see Chinese words then they wont even bother already hahaha. I don't need more attention. Actually today quite nice larhs. 没有太多让我难过或者生气的事哈哈哈. 昨天啊呵呵呵, 我们讲屁话还有视讯来跨年呵呵呵. 感觉好棒哦呵呵呵. 讲到那些年哈哈哈哈笑到我肚子痛. 还有像个白痴一样, 傻傻地对着电脑笑哈哈哈. LOL. 不过我真的感觉到很开心很幸福呵呵呵. 还有哦, CHG 回我哟!!!!!!!!! >///< 哈哈哈哈好开心. 还有最重要的, 小鬼在马来西亚哟呵呵呵超开心的呵呵呵. ((((: 谢谢你们哦 ((: LOVEYOU people.

But there are still bad things. Like how she still don't reply me and treat me like some garbage. Hello I am your daughter but you are treating me like I'm invinsible like what the fuck. Do you even know my existence??? Do I mean anything to you anymore? It's new year hello! The fuck man. Who do you think you are. You think you're always right huh. Even if it means by breaking so many people's heart and families? I don't need all this drama mama ok. All I need is some love like the fuck. Yes, I am deprived. Deprived of family love and yeah. Like fuck. Sometimes I wonder. Wonder if my daddy comes and visit. Just come and take a look at me or sth idk. Would he treat me differently or would he be like you? I am your daughter ok. I don't know how you can manage to survive with a clear conscience doing all these stuffs. Maybe if you just think for a moment and stop thinking that the whole world revolves around you, maybe you'll realize that I am correct sometimes and people care about you more than they care about me ok. And to think about it, you are much more luckier than me. You have people, a lot of people that care for you. And you don't have to do anything. Cause they are your family and they love you. But what about me? Have you ever given me a full family? No ok. And I'm working hard here ok. No matter how you treated me i still managed to survive All these years. It's just that sometimes it gets too big and overwhelming so I come here and vent. Yes, the whole world revolves around you. But please, spare a thought for all the people around you. I'm not saying just me, I'm saying other people like your own sister and brother and papa and mama. Seriously. Youre so annoying. Sigh. Or Maybe it's me huh. I know myself best. I am fucking sensitive. I am fucking selfish and sometimes attention seeking. I hate myself too you know. You don't have to emphasize that. But I am trying hard. Trying very hard to change all these ok. so I guess i am going to get over these myself huh. Well you know what, i will. Slowly. Hard I know, but I will. And I have dreams too ok.

This bottom part is dedicated to the clarinet people, Denise and jingwen haha yeah. Thankyou guys. For supporting me (: and helping me. Yeah, haha.

I shall not be emo here anymore. So I shall post one of 小鬼's pictures haha. I am not abit happy for school which is starting on the day after tmr. HAH. Wish me luck bahs. Hope rest of the people and teachers and stuffs in 3A are nice. Though there is like 2-3 things I don't like about 3a already haha lol. Ahh wtv.

要开学了. 我们的机会越来越少了. 唉~ 不过我相信你是真心的. 所以我们六日再见咯. 你要加油哦. 我也会为你加油的哈哈哈. 因为你, 我会很努力. 有了你, 我的一切都变美好了. 谢谢你.

70亿分之一

2011-12-30T19:11:00.000-08:00

listen listen listen (:
this is the song i'm talking about in the previous previous postttttt (:
its a new song hehehe. LOL. okay sorry.

小鬼最可爱了

2011-12-30T19:01:00.001-08:00

可爱的黄鸿升呵呵呵. (((:

2011最后一天

2011-12-30T19:00:00.001-08:00

今天是2011的最后一天了!! 呵呵呵但是我不晓得这是好还是坏的东西哈哈哈(: 今年发生了许许多多的事情, 有的是快乐美好的, 而有些是伤心痛苦的. 今年可说是我生命中(until now of course)最精彩的一年吧. 哈我真不知道如何phrase that sentence. 哎呀总之就发生很多东西啦LOL. 谢谢每一位在我身边出现过的人(: 不管你和我有没有close过, 我还是要谢谢你在你我的生命中play our parts and role. 假设说我们以后都没有机会接触了或者没有机会看得彼此的话, 请不要伤心难过或者生气彼此. 因为可能这就是老天爷的安排, 我们彼此的缘份已经到此为止and the role we play in each other's life has ended. So, 不要生气也不要伤心. 最重要的就是千千万万不要后悔我们曾经经历过的事情. 因为我们都曾经快乐过. 总有一天你会了解到其实所有的事情都是连接在一起的. 所以我在这里要谢谢每一位. 不管我们经历过的事情是好是坏我还是要谢谢你们. 我真的很感激你们. 就像黄鸿升的歌所写的歌词一样, 我们在这世界拥有70億分之1的机会见到彼此而且只有这么微小的奇迹来认识彼此, 可是我们就是有这么小小的机会才能见面和认识彼此. 所以我真的很感谢你们. 希望接下来的日子我们大家都会过得很幸福. 我们大家迟早都得学会知足常乐所以我们尽量赶快学会吧. 这样的话我们会过得比较快乐(: 希望我们都会快快乐乐幸幸福福的(: 大家就期待着2012年吧. 我们一起为未来的新体验(不管是困难还是开心的事情)加油吧. 还有你, 我的lucky star, 我会用我全部的力量保护你让你快乐. 只希望你不要离开我. 我会默默地支持你. 只要你快乐我就会很快乐. 我们一起加油吧. 加油, 珍惜前面的这一切吧. I love you guys.

小鬼你也要加油啊(: 手要快点好啊呵呵呵. 我会永远支持你的呵呵呵(: 加油! (:

Farewell.

2011-12-30T07:48:00.001-08:00

Hi. So today was farewell. To sum up today it was pretty embarrassing and not many people wanna cooperate (so it was kinda annoying but what to do? Ahh wtv) so people were complaining how childish the song was and stuffs like that. But I thought it was cute >///< ahh personal preference. Hmmhmmhmm (: but i still sang it. HEHE. but overall it was good. I was high hahaha. But then it got very annoying and hurtful when I am like high-ing about faith and other stuffs and Carolyn chow was like oh gosh can you just shut up and like talking back really sarcastically. I wasn't even spazzing to her ))))))): Quite hurt but oh well. As if I'm not well trained enough. Got used to it already. But it's okay. I didn't really care much bout it today HAHAH and I was still quite high. Was having so much fun with Alicia Qiyang huishin Cheryl weilin Angie Tracy Gabrielle kathrine shiyun hehehe. It was so funny. LOL!! Took some pictures will upload soon I guess hahah. Then yeah. Liddat lors. OH YA. FOR THE VERY BERRY FIRST TINE EVER. Faith asked to take a photo with me!!!!!!!!!! My heart was like OMGGGGGG faith asked me to take a picture with her!!!!!!!! Hahahahahahaha (((((((: happy ttm. Although I know I look weird in the picture but ahh wtv. The feeling is nice hehehe. Then Krystal was super nice too (: she gave me nougats and my reply ((((((: so nice hehehe. and ji young and jingwen gave me a farewell letter yay hahaha. And the socks they give were so cute hehehe (((: hehehehe then I rushed home and replied my lucky star and then rush to watch Alvin and the chipmunk 3 with my cousins and aunt. Not that bad but not very good also larhs hahaha. But kinda cutesy and ya . Hahaha. Hmm school's starting real soon. I'm scared and I'm nervous. Wish me luck. And the first clar part thing is really scaring me out sigh. I don't know what to do. It seems so hard and tiring and full of obstacles but on the other hand, it kinda seems fun. LOL. Ahh wtv I shall just go with the flow bahs. Just hope ms sia won't 对我太糟糕吧. Sigh.
You know. Sometimes I really hate it when people gets jealous and/or complain about how good I am as compared to them, and about how bad and 烂 they are. Because firstly, you wouldnt wanna be who I am experiencing stuffs I'm experiencing now. You have yet to see my other side yet so how can you decide who's life is better? God is fair. I'm good in this way but bad in the other. Youre good in that way but bad in the other. Nobody can be 十全十美 one whatttt. Sigh. That's why I kinda hate it when people do things that get me really upset and frustrated by complaining to me how good my life is. Hmm ok. Yeah. You don't know me so don't even judge. Ahh wtv. As if I care. I'm just so tired today haha. Maybe cause yst stayed up damn late bahs. Hmm yeah. I'm still praying for the same thing so please just help me. Umm yeah my lucky star is still here and he's gonna be really busy these days so bless over him and yeah. Jiayou to you hehehe. Be happy (: Ok. I'm tired. I wanna sleep alr.
一些小鬼的照片给你欣赏吧呵呵呵(:

小鬼

2011-12-28T04:33:00.001-08:00

啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊!! 我要发疯啦啦啦啦啦啦啦啦啦~~ 小鬼黄鸿升好可爱好可爱啊啊~~ 哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈
还有啊看到下面的照片吗??? 我的那个台湾buddy啊, 帮我拿了他的海报耶!!! 还有黑心伤品好酷啊啊啊!!!!!!!!!!!!! 太开心啦!!! 啊好开心啊>///< iloveyousomuch OHMYGOSH. 小鬼啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊~~~~~~

Alive and kickin

2011-12-27T21:01:00.001-08:00

Just to say I'm still alive. So don't worry (: I'm learning again. To love my life. So enjoy the 小鬼's photos first bahs. Lazy to blog much today. Ok bye (:

yay

2011-12-27T07:03:00.000-08:00

啊~ 今天还满开心满lucky的耶hehehe!
跟你说哦~ 今天我妈回我的sms了呵呵呵~ 所以还满开心的wakakaka~ 然后啊! 那个taiwan guide送来的圣诞卡片啊终于到了YEAH~~~~~ 好开心啊~ WAKAKA~ 而且哦他说会帮我买黄鸿升的album!!!! 哇~ 超开心的. 他也送了我们糖果哦~ 呵呵呵~ 然后啊今天band practice好好玩啊~~~ 呵呵呵! 我们在那里一直玩~ 虽然miss sia早上的时候一直one by one还有sectionals啦~ 可是哦结果他们去了st nicks就剩下我们了咯~ 然后啊我们就一直在那里玩啊玩呵呵呵~ 好开心啊~ 可惜今天huishin没有来唉~~~ 我好想你啊huishin): thursday band practice you must come ok. 所以说啊~ 今天超开心的. 然后嗯~ 就很开心. praying does help. everyday i pray and thank you lord. hehehe for hearing my prayers. thankyou so much. iloveyou. thanks. iloveyou too. hehehe. thanks, for allowing me survive so happily today (: loveyou guys.

bitchass.

2011-12-24T20:20:00.001-08:00

i feel so much like a failure.
i'm such a bitch.
ahh fuck.

平安夜快乐

2011-12-23T18:21:00.001-08:00

Hello!
Today is 平安夜所以啊祝大家平安夜快乐. 我会回去马来西亚噢所以都不会online. 祝大家明天圣诞节快乐啊. 虽然心情已沉到谷底可是我会加油的. 虽然不敢说会成功但是我会努力. 所以大家相信我吧. 大家就把这个圣诞节当成是最美好的吧. 可能我回来的时候会更伤心我不清楚可是无论如何我都不会再打扰大家这是我给你们的承诺. 大家平安夜快乐圣诞节快乐. 还有一件开心的事, 那位台湾朋友说会帮我去要小鬼的签名哦. 是超级开心的啦哈哈哈. 可是一想到...就觉得我的世界真地落到谷底了. 唉算了吧. 大家要快快乐乐呵, 加油我爱你们.

2011-12-23T07:05:00.000-08:00

今天小鬼发行了他的新专辑!!!!
黑心伤品!!!!! BLACK HEART BREAK HEART.
I WANT THAT ALBUM!
HAHAHA BUT 不可能的因为都是上网定购
而且我又没有 CREDIT CARD所以不可能咯
唉不过我还是会帮小鬼的!!!!!!
等专辑在新加坡卖的时候我一定一定会去买的!!!!!
呵呵呵永远支持小鬼!!!

but feeling rather down today. cried so much yesterday i think i'm still drained out today. i still havent messaged you yet. i wonder if i should call you. because you are my mother, but you never listen. never at all. you think god is being unfair to you and everyone's a bitch and you think nobody fucking cares about you then you forgot about your daughter and you forgot to think about your daughter cause the whole freaking world only revolves around you. i'm never that important person to anybody. i'm just a fucked up girl who only knows how to rant at my blog. nobody knows the shit i'm facing. because nobody understands. even if i can tell someone right now, he/she wont even understand. so why do i even bother? which is why i dont bother telling anybody. nobody will understand, trust me. and nobody can do anything at all to help. yeah, which is why i should never open up. yall definitely will ask questions and i wont know how to answer. and i'm fucked up enough already. so i dont bother. dont blame me for this cause you all really cannot help me. its between my family and i and you can never help. unless if i ask to die and if you are willing to help me with it then yes i 100% will talk to you about it. but other than that sorry. you cant be of any help. yeah. the thing i'm hoping now is that my mum wont actually sell me away to some random country and i will never get to see the people i love again. each day i wake up is a nightmare for me. i dont know what to expect anymore. i doubt this is a normal life im facing now. i dont even dare to on my phone sometimes, incase you call me to tell me to pack up my things. yeah. this is the life i'm experiencing. i'm scared of my own mother. yes. ok. i guess i can only pray now. what more can i do? to pray for god. ask him to give me strength to move on. to not move. again. i just hope that this time, it will work. please.

bytheway, he is giving it out tomorrow. kinda nervous but i think it will make me feel a little better than how i'm feeling now. merry xmas everybody. have a happpy holiday. this year xmas just isnt for me i guess. this surprise is a xmas gift that i cannot accept. its too big and heartbreaking. what a fucked up xmas. and i was so elated. ahh well this is life.

spamming xiaogui's photos in hope that i may be a little happier.

someone go taiwan and help me T.T

Tired

2011-12-22T07:21:00.001-08:00

Today I'm like so drained out. Exhausted. I cried so much my whole body is like so fucking tired now. I can't sleep yet. I'm scared. I'm afraid. I need to pray. I can only pray. I don't wanna leave. Please. I'm just plain scared.

Maybe 小鬼will make me happy for awhile...

Fuck

2011-12-22T00:37:00.001-08:00

Okay fuck. Today is like the most fucked up day ever. I have never cried this much. Fuck. I have never had this much suicidal thoughts. Fuck. Why????? Why must you do this to me? Why? Fuck. I just want to be a fucking normal teenager is that too much to ask? Why can't you decide all the hard stuff and lie to me? Even lying is better than telling this straight to me fuck. Nobody cares isn't it. So why not I just jump down from where I am now and end this whole thing? You bitches and bustards only care about your own fucking feelings. Angry with each other treat me as something you can play with. You don't fucking care about my feelings. I fucking hate this world this house this home. Fuck all this shit. I should just fucking run away from home and never ever come back. You bitches and bustards.
活在这个世界上真辛苦
Fuck.

小鬼新的专辑

2011-12-20T17:51:00.001-08:00

嗯心情果然好多了
呵呵呵多亏了小鬼
每次都在我难过的时候
把我轰得像世界上最开心的人似的
永远支持小鬼!
WAKAKAKAKAKA ~
给你看他的新专辑
好想买啊~~~~~~~~~~ >///<

Trust.

2011-12-20T17:41:00.001-08:00

Let's say one day I posted this on Facebook:

Hello everyone. I have a serious illness and I won't be around much longer anymore. If you have anything you want to say to me please tell me faster or else you would regret it for the rest of your life. Thanks. I'm sorry and goodbye.

Truly speaking, what would you do?
Comment something like oh my Choong Ying did anything bad happen?
Or comment other stuffs like ahyo Choong Ying don't joke lah!
Like the status?
Put it as your status?
Complain how sadist I am?
What would you do?

Honestly speaking, how many of you would truly believe me? Not alot. Or maybe even none. Like seriously, everyone thinks that Choong Ying is as healthy as a horse, her whole life has been so great what will happen to her? Nobody will fucking believe. Which is why now you understand why I say nobody truly fucking trust me. Trust is very important. It's so important and fragile that once you break it there is no fucking way you can mend it back. No way. So why did you break our trust? Why did so many of you break our trust? Ahh fuck. Feeling so low so early in the morning.

看看小鬼吧. 可能心情会好一些

thankgod

2011-12-20T06:48:00.000-08:00

Thank god you are here. thank god. you are always here when i'm at my lowest... thanks. iloveyou so much.

小鬼好可怜 ):

2011-12-20T06:17:00.000-08:00

omg omg omg look:

小鬼日前凌晨收工返家，在距住家短短幾十公尺處和計程車發生擦撞，愛車避震器、軸心定位故障送修，破財損失至少10萬起跳，短期內得搭計程車趕通告，左手腕扭傷必須戴護具兩個月，簽名會碰到興奮粉絲大力握手，讓小鬼痛到飆淚。

SO SAD. 小鬼受伤了, 好像很严重哦 ): 好可怜哪! 为什么这么不小心呢!!! 你还好吧!!! 希望你能早日康复啊!!! ): 加油!

TWICE IN A ROW HEART PAIN. WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

ASHIN 怪兽 and my cutiepie 小鬼!!! he's the middle one ok. JIAYOU.

LOOK AT THE HAND SO POOR THING. HEART BREAKKKKK x infinity alreadyyyyy )))):

never good enough

2011-12-20T06:06:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry.

i'm sorry that i'm never good enough.
never good enough to be your daughter
never good enough to be your niece
never good enough to be your grandaughter
never good enough to be your cousin
never good enough to be your friend
never good enough to be your close friend
never good enough to be your best friend
never good enough to be your classmate
never good enough to be your monitress
never good enough to be part of cedar
never good enough to be part of you people
never good enough to be your junior
never good enough to be your senior
never good enough.
i'm just never good enough to be anything.
i'm just a failure. a stupid fucking failure.
nobody ever truly trusted me.
you people all think i'm just never good enough.
yeah. i'm never good enough.
thanks. i already know already.
so why cant you stop hurting me already???
it hurts so much ok. i dont wanna be a sadistic person ok. i have my life and many many things to look forward to. but why. why must you break me apart in so many ways? did i ever do something so hurtful to you before??? the wound would never heal now. time cant heal it. neither can love. nobody and nothing fucking can. i hate you. i hate this world. i hate myself.

Mondayyyy

2011-12-19T00:56:00.001-08:00

Okay hey hey hey !
I think my flu is getting better? Hahah LOL. Which is a good sign yay. Idk why also LOL. Feeling more energized and better now. Just sometimes kinda dizzy and hot all over but not like the past few days liddat want to faint liddat hahaha. Hmmhmmhmm so school's starting in 2 weeks time. Can someone remind me pleaseeeee !!! I haven done my compo and oral shucks. Maybe I shan't do oral at all. Sigh. See how bahs. Anyways, I cut my hair!! (: it's so thin now !! >///< when I tie it up it's so shortttttt!! Hahahaha but I like like like (: not too thick not too long not too short so I like like like ^^ and and and tomorrow going out with amandyyy !! ^^ ahh but don't know going where yet hahaha (: so excited! Hope my flu can recover by tonight like fully recover! Please please please help me pray too ok. Please please please let me recover by tonight pleaseeee ! >< hehehe ohya btw sorry for not replying your SMSes ok! Yst I like slept at 7plus pm then this morning I wake up realised my phone haven't top up yet which means no money ! Hahaha paiseh paiseh ahh. Later I'll go and buy and reply y'all Kay. Sorry sorry sorry! I too lazy to go now. Later when go buy dinner that time then I go buy Kay hehehe sorry uhhs. 我不是故意的!! Hehehe. Ok. Need to drink more water if I wanna recover. Gosh you have no idea how much water I drank these few days. I treat the water like a 仙丹liddat ok. Like some miracle pill hahahaha. Ok that all for now. Gonna send faith's card tmr! Heheh ok byebyebye (:

And more of 可爱的小鬼's spammmmm!
The last picture is 小猪 and 小鬼 's bromance! Wakaka~ cute. They are not gay ok btw.

Rah rah rah.

2011-12-17T19:43:00.001-08:00

Hey.
My flu is getting worse sigh. All I wanna do all day is just lie on my bed and never ever get up ): my throat hurts like fuck. My head feels as if it's gonna burst. My nose is even worse ): I really think I may die from having this flu. Can't even go to see mr doctor. And I've been eating panadol for the past few days and just when I thought its getting better it got worse. Ahh fuck. AHHHH whatever. Nobody will give a damn shit anyways. Everybody is so busy doing their own stuffs and who am I??? I'm just some old thrash. I'm that unimportant. Yeah, thanks. Maybe This flu is not so bad after all. I mean, if my flu gets worse and I really died, then all this pain would go away cause then I would have no feelings anymore!!! Yeah. It's probably a good thing. But seriously speaking, the pain I'm having now sure feels better than the pain in my heart. They say time heals all wounds but why isn't mine healing at all?!?!?! Not even a teeny weeny bit. Maybe it will never heal at all ): why was I so weak to let you come hurt me????? Sigh. I shud stop thinking bout stuffs like that. The more I think the more I feel like doing those stupid stuffs. Not that I won't do it but still. Ahh wtv nobody understands. Sometimes I wonder how can the wounds I inflict on myself heal so fast and no scars would be left, but the wound you gave me never heal at all??? Ok stop. Choongying stop. Sigh. Ok I got something to tell you. You know I went to Malaysia during the weekend right then this morning while I was eating breakfast at a nearby coffee shop suddenly got a robbery you know. Like fuck man. I don't even know it all happen so fast. One minute I was enjoying my meal like usual and the next everybody was shouting and chasing after don't know who and all the other people kpo kpo stand there and watch lors. At first I don't even know it was a robbery Kay. I thought it was like there's some rat in the coffee shop so that's why everybody so anxious. Don't laugh Kay it happened before. But who knew it was a robbery. I don't even know it happened you know and it's like happened in a shop lehhs. Like seriously. Sigh. Then I continue eating lors. Hmmhmmhmm. The person who got robbed so poor thing but lucky got CCTV. But like its Malaysia and Johor so big want to catch the robber also need like what a week? So confirm like money all gone already ): like that time my mama got robbed liddat LOLOLOL. Hmm later I'm gonna cut my hair hehe okay. Oh you message me already ^^ okay my 救星come already. Hmmhmmhmm okay have a nice day! (: ahh seriously who am I kidding. Okay bye.

Hehe cute right! 啊~ 小鬼好可爱~

It's Friday Friday ~

2011-12-15T22:21:00.001-08:00

Hehehe , okay okay okay. I shall make this post short and sweet (: not much time left already hahaha (: errr I'm going Malaysia soon ~ tralalalala and I've got fluuuuuuuu ): sigh. My throat hurts so bad now that I sound super high pitch. Weird I know. Ahhhh wtv. Hmmhmmhmm (: so happy yesterday our messages were so damn cute hehehe ! Ahahahaha ^^ thanks Kay kay Kay (: hmmhmmhmm Denise going to Korea tomorrow ! ^^ denise have fun Kay ! Enjoy yourself and come back safely ! Hehehe love you so muchhhhh ! ^^ and and and I just checked my mail online and it says : despatched for overseas. LOL I don't even know what it meant ok Hahahaha (: but wtv, hope it gets there safely that's all hehehe ! And and and Alvin told me something I never expected. But I kinda expected it when he was hinting me but still it was unexpected . Hahahaha LOL what nonsense larhs. Hmmhmmhmm anyways yesterday was awesome ESP at night when we were messaging each other hehehe ^^ thanks (: lalala okay (: won't be able to msg you these two days dear cause I will be in Malaysia but I'll be back on Sunday WAKAKAKA ^^ hmmhmmhmm excited (: and next week imma meeting with Amanda lurrrrrr ! Hehehehehhe exciteddddd ! Hahaha okay. That's all for now. Bye (: and I hope my flu gets better faster. I hate being so weak. Weak=pain. Because everytime I feel weak, I will be reminded of how weak I was to not able to handle the pain you brought onto me. It hurts so I hope it can go away faster. I don't like ppl seeing me weak too. Because I refuse to be weak. Okay hahaha tatas.

Xiao gui so cute teeheehee.

PRIMARY SCHOOL PICTURES

2011-12-15T05:31:00.001-08:00

HEEHEEHEE ~

Just found these so i just wanna share it with you.

I miss the times when the only thing important was who was being the catcher during recess ):

sigh. i miss you guys.

2011-12-14T23:29:00.000-08:00

YAYAYYAYAYAY PRETTY PRETTY PICTURE TOOK FROM STACEY'S PHONEEEE <3

Alvin's posttttt

2011-12-14T23:24:00.000-08:00

hehehe i think this is cute so i shall copy and paste (:
its alvin's status larhs, but i think its pretty cute (:

LOOK UP YOUR BIRTHDAY AND SEE WHAT YOU ARE...

January 01 - 09 ~ Dog
January 10 - 24 ~ Mouse
January 25 - 31 ~ Lion

February 01 - 05 ~ Cat
February 06 - 14 ~ Dove
February 15 - 21 ~ Turtle
February 22 - 28 ~ Panther

March 01 - 12 ~ Monkey
March 13 - 15 ~ Lion
March 16 - 23 ~ Mouse
March 24 - 31 ~ Cat

April 01 - 03 ~ Dog
April 04 - 14 ~ Panther
April 15 - 26 ~ Mouse
April 27 - 30 ~ Turtle

May 01 - 13 ~ Monkey
May 14 - 21 ~ Dove
May 22 - 31 ~ Lion

June 01 - 03 ~ Mouse
June 04 - 14 ~ Turtle
June 15 - 20 ~ Dog
June 21 - 24 ~ Monkey
June 25 - 30 ~ Cat

July 01 - 09 ~ Mouse
July 10 - 15 ~ Dog
July 16 - 26 ~ Dove
July 27 - 31 ~ Cat

August 01 - 15 ~ Monkey
August 16 - 25 ~ Mouse
August 26 - 31 ~ Turtle

September 01 - 14 ~ Dove
September 15 - 27 ~ Cat
September 28 - 30 ~ Dog

October 01 - 15 ~ Monkey
October 16 - 27 ~ Turtle
October 28 - 31 ~ Panther

November 01 - 16 ~ Lion
November 17 - 30 ~ Cat

December 01 - 16 ~ Dog
December 17 - 25 ~ Monkey
December 26 - 31 ~ Dove

If you are a

Dog : A very loyal and sweet person. Your loyalty can never be doubted. You are quite honest and sincere when it comes to your attitude towards working. You are a very simple person, indeed. Absolutely hassle free, humble and down-to-earth!! That explains the reason why your friends cling on to you! You have a good taste for clothes. If your wardrobe is not updated with what is trendy, you sure are depressed. Popular and easy-going. You have a little group of dignified friends, all of them being quality-personified.

If you are a Mouse : Always up to some sort of a mischief! The mischievous gleam in your eyes is what makes you so cute and attractive to everyone. You are an extremely fun-to-be-with kind of person. No wonder people seek for your company and look forward to include you for all get-together's. However, you are sensitive which is a drawback. People need to select their words while talking to you. If someone tries to fiddle around and play with words while dealing with you, it is enough to invite your wrath. God bless the person then!

If you are a Lion : Quite contradictory to your name, you are a peace loving person. You best try to avoid a situation wherein you are required to fight. An outdoor person, you dislike sitting at one place for a long duration. Popular and easy-going. You are a born leader, and have it in you how to tactfully derive work from people. People love the way you always treat them. You love being loved, and when you receive your share of limelight from someone, you are all theirs!!!!

If you are a Cat : An extremely lovable, adorable person, sometimes shy, with a passion for quick wit. At times, you prefer quietness. You love exploring various things and going into depth of each thing. Under normal circumstances you're cool but when given a reason to, you are like a volcano waiting to erupt. You're a fashion bird. People look forward to you as an icon associated with fashion. Basically, you mingle along freely but don't like talking much to strangers. People feel very easy in your company. You observe care in choosing your friends.

If you are a Turtle : You are near to perfect and nice at heart. The examples of your kindness are always circulated in groups of people. You, too, love peace. You wouldn't like to retaliate even to a person who is in the wrong. You are loved due to this. You do not wish to talk behind one's back. People love the way you always treat them. You can give, give and give love, and the best part is that you do not expect it back in return. You are generous enough. Seeing things in a practical light is what remains the best trait of you guys.

If you are a Dove : You symbolize a very happy-go-lucky approach in life. Whatever the surroundings may be, grim or cheerful, you remain unaffected. In fact, you spread cheer wherever you go. You are the leader of your group of friends and good at consoling people in their times of need. You dislike hypocrisy and tend to shirk away from hypocrites. They can never be in your good books, no matter what. You are very methodical and organized in your work. No amount of mess, hence, can ever encompass you. Beware, it is easy for you to fall in love....

If you are a Panther : You are mysterious. You are someone who can handle pressure with ease, and can handle any atmosphere without going berserk. You can be mean at times, and love to gossip with your selected group. Very prim and proper. You like all situations and things to be in the way you desire, which, sometimes is not possible. As a result, you may lose out in some relationships. But otherwise, you love to help people out from difficult and tight spots when they really need you.

If you are a Monkey : Very impatient and hyper!!! You want things to be done as quick as possible. At heart, you are quite simple and love if you are the center of attraction. That way, you people are unique. You would like to keep yourself safe from all the angles. Shall your name be dragged or featured in any sort of a controversy, you then go all panicky. Therefore, you take your precautions from the very beginning. When you foresee anything wrong, your sixth sense is what saves you from falling in traps. Quite a money minded

random shits.

2011-12-14T23:16:00.000-08:00

Hello ~

hehehe the bookshop got the chinese compositiom book stockkkk already. so i went to buy and now i'm copying my 作文and 应用文. hehehe while listening to the cuppycake song HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHA ITS DAMN ADDICTIVE OKKKKKKKS. HAHAHHAHH. LOLOLOLOL!!!!! hmmhmmhmmm anyways, i'm planning to finish all the compos by today MUST MUST MUST MUST MUST. CHOONGYINGGGG. no more procrastination already!!! >< hahahaha anyways, just changed my tumblr layout. hehehe its a cutie thingyyy! although quite plain but cute hehehe! TUMBLR !! ;))) just click on the word tumblr and it'll bring you to my tumblr~~ hahaha! FOLLOW ME ! HAHAHA just kidding, hmmhmmhmm. i dont really care who follows larhs. hmmhmmmhmm, anyways yesterday night was damn fun HAHAHAHH ;DDD you are the cutest your messages make me laugh until stomachacheeeeee! hahahahaha why you so cutiepieee! anyways, cut-ted my fringe (: this weekend go back gonna cut my backkk! hahaha, my aunt say too long and big bunchy already! hahaha so maybe trim trim abit bahs. and thin it. and layered it bahs i guess idk. HAHAHA LOLLLLLLL! hmmhmmhmm. okay, gonna chiong my compo now (: enjoy your day ok. today's been pretty ok, nothing bad happenned. YET. hahah oh have, i dropped my pen (both pens) and now no more inkkk! ): but still quite ok hahaha ^^ okay okay okay. byebye for now. update again tmr bahs. bye :)

YOU ARE AS CUTE AS HER HEHEHE!!! >///<

Wednesday already hahaha

2011-12-14T02:03:00.001-08:00

Okay hi hi hi (:
The stupid blogger deleted my draft so I had to 从新写过sighsighsigh !!! Hahaha anyways, didn't blogged for the past few days cause quite busy. Hehehe, life's been pretty tough and I'm amazed at how I can actually survived each day safely. Hahaha, anyways, I quitted my job cause I realised this whole holiday I've always been busy busy and I think I shud get some rest (: and anyways, I promised huishin that I won't work when school starts, so...... Yeah, I quitted. This weekend going Malaysia. It's been so long hahaha (: but wtv. I'm so tired hahaha (: today went to school then went to the post office at civic centre there. Finally mailed the cards and gift like FINALLYYYYYYY hahaha (: hope they can receive before Christmas if not abit wasted lehhs !!! Hahaha and he quite nice nice larhs, say will do cards for huishin, Alicia, weilin and me hahaha cause we same same group awww (: LOL ! Was planning to do cards for the cutiepie girly too but she like not online often so like sigh. Next time bahs (: and and and I'm still in the midst of doing faith's cardddddd !! Hehehe (: then ohya yet went to school too ! To have a study date with Denise hehehe and Stacey ! So fun (: took pictures and I didn't do a single worksheet HAHAHA LOL XD. Hmmhmmhmm , Denise going Korea this weekend ! (: enjoy ok ! Come back in one piece ok love you ! (: hehehe. Umm, missing huishin they all. But they are too busy for me. Sigh, nvm. Ummummumm, so just wanna say thank you to you ^^ as I said life's been pretty tough and suicidal thoughts have always been there disturbing me but you always never fail to make it go away. Thanks (: idk what I'll do without you. You always make me so happy (: and you are the cutest ^^ your last message was so cute I swear. Hahaha okay (: shall stop spazzing. Hmmhmmhmm, okay so stumbled on some really cute黄鸿升pictures and wanna share it with you (: hehehe okay bye for now.

HEYHEYHEY ;DD

2011-12-11T01:51:00.000-08:00

okay hi ^^
so i was like overly high this morning oh my goshy gosh >///<
listening to 鬼混 now uh-huh-huh ~~~
hmmhmmhmm just finished my science worksheet
that bull shit worksheet which made my head explode!!
hahahahha, in the end got few questions idk, like 2-3?
but like wtv, too tired already huh huh huh ^^
so now holiday hmk still left the 自由创作 and oral thingy
sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh D:
hate the oral thing. but wtv, still got time heheh
my eye keep twitching, like got something bad's gonna happen ):
sigh, hope not huh huh huh!
anyways, maybe later at night or tmr finish the 自由创作
then left with oral already whoopies!!!!! ^^
hmmhmmhmm, 我不要他们承认也不要让他们得成~~~
YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY ~~~
小鬼黄鸿升 whoots!
heheheheheh ! lalalala~ still remmeber during taiwan
carolyn chow says that she doesnt take notice of artiste
that are new...... back then i didnt say anything budden......
小鬼已经出道7年了.......
IS THAT CONSIDERED NEW o:
idk ehhs, ahhh dont care larhs. ^^ i like xiaogui can already ^^
heheheh, anyways was really high in the morning
cause cause cause of a 视讯 !!!! >///<
hehehehe, 又是你让我这么的开心 !!!!! ;)))))
我还记得刚刚你视讯call我
然后我们就通电话!!! ^^
虽然只是短短的几分钟罢了可是its the precious几分钟!!!
还记得刚刚你故意去整理好头发才来打给我 ^^
你剪的頭髮很可愛喔 <3
nbsdgisrabgjhawebgubvbdsjkhfguwvehjkrbnugwhaodsjhgliwabgibvjxkbc
可爱到我想pinch your cheeks!!!!! >///<
一点都不会girly啦!!!
谢谢你哦!! 你很温柔, 很体贴, 很友善, 你是我最要好的朋友
你是我生命里最重要的人
没有你我根本不知道怎么办才好.....
谢谢你^^ you cutiepineapplepieeeeeeee!!!! <3
不过你出门去了, 路上小心! ^^
I'm gonna write your letter soon soon soon ok ok ok !
hehehe! lalalala ~ tomorrow gonna go post office and buy stamps wakakaka ~ ^^
i'll wait for you to be online ok! hahaha ^^
maybe thats why i've been online facebook so frequently nowadays hehehe
waiting for you~~~
hehehe; its becoming a habit ohno!
i cant wait to go get our bubbletea~ hehehe!
hmmhmmhmm ^^
okay, super happy, i wanna remember this day forever so........

11/12/2011 SUNDAY

SJBDLABUIQ3LHTR982HFSDBKAGU13TYHWB
YOU ARE SUCH A CUTIE PINEAPPLE PIE
THANKYOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME
THANKYOU FOR NEVER GIVING UP ON ME
PLEASE DONT EVER LEAVE
THANKYOU FOR MAKING ME SO HAPPY TODAY
LOVEYOUALWAYS<3

hehehehe, next thing, its alicia's birthday today!!!!!
happy birthday alicia! we'll prepare your present asap ok! sorry~

hmmhmmhmm you know right, i suddenly got this scary thought lehhs ):
you know cause during the taiwan trip the seniors
went to yun fang's blog and make fun of all the things right?
yeeeeeahhhhh ..... i mean its funny and all, but i was quite disappointed and sad
i mean, i know they dont like yun fang and even if they make fun of yun fang
yun fang probably wont even care and all
but i have been thinking recently...
what if the seniors know my blog too?
i mean, i didnt put it like really obvious, but still if you serious go find is can find one
then what if the seniors find out about my blog? ):
jingwen is fine lors, cause i know she very nice one
but what if the sec 3s seniors found out my blog?
read through my posts and then laugh at whatever i say like how they did to yun fang?
sigh, dont know larhs. i mean, i pour out whatever i feel here
just to get away from the cruel reality so that i could feel better
casue here more alone mahhs but what if .........
sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh
just hope the seniors who come and read my blog wont be like her. sigh):
i know i am childish immature stupid weird 自作多情 gullible vulgar and all these flaws
but, i am still human, i still have feelings.
so..... HI SENIORS. IF YOU ARE READING MY BLOG RIGHT,
PLEASE DONT LET ME KNOW OK.
PLEASE DONT IDK, DONT HINT TO ME OR ANYTHING PLEASE.
thanks. [:

hmmhmmhmm, okay, enough of sad and emo stuffs, AHHHHHH~
THE THOUGHT OF YOU MAKE ME SMILE LIKE A RETARDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!
EVEN RN I'M SMILING LIKE AN IDIOT THINKING OF YOU AS I WRITE ^^
THANKS. LOVEYOU <3

小鬼 <3

kay bye ^^

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY

2011-12-10T18:44:00.000-08:00

okay okay okay okay. inhale. exhale. inhale. exhale.
MY STOMACH HURTS LIKE FUCK. ;(((((((((
sigh sigh sigh sigh.
gonna do science today!!!
but the questions all make my head dizzy dizzy.
i dont understand a single bull shit its talking about ><
hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahah
been on tumblr ~
tumblr is a nice place.
its quiet. and alone. and no insults~
hehehe hmmhmhmm......
today 赖床一直赖赖赖到我的头昏昏的
hahahahaha ^^
but everytime i go to bed, i always think about you why why why ;(
你对我是如此的重要
sigh ;( I miss you so very very much :(
hahahahaha okay bahs.
shall do my science now ^^
and and and 听小鬼的歌 and 和你聊天! ^^

Saturday

2011-12-09T23:44:00.000-08:00

Sigh.

i know right, sigh. ):

sucha bad bad day yesterday was.

i was so excited and happy budden ..... ):

sigh, i dont even wanna talk about it.

but anyways, today in order to cheer myself up

i went to buy the december issue of teenage and I 周刊

right after work

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

小鬼在里面!!!!!! ^^

两本都有哦!!!!!! ^^

HEHEHE, but I 周刊only one small spot

teenage is the WHOLE 2 PAGES

ZOMGZOMGZOMGZOMGZOMGZOMGZOMGZOMG

hehehehehehehehhe ^^

then went to buy chicken rice and bubble tea ^^

peach milk tea FTWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW !!

wakakakaka ; so i'm kinda feeling ok now i guess?

but whenever i think about yesterday,

i just feel so sad and disappointed with myself ):

why dont i ever ever learn ???????

this mochi very nice hahhaah ;)

TEENAGE! toobad the cover was SNSD >///<

teenage and I 周刊

I周刊里面一小小的spot ):

teenage 里两面都是小鬼!!!!! ><

hehehehehe

but i want the november issue of I 周刊

got more 小鬼's stuffs :)))))))

hehehehehhehe ^^

still listening to 复制人

sigh ):

its a sad sad song, 刚刚好符合我现在的性情 ):

CHOONGYING ):

WHY YOU ALWAYS LIDDAT

WHY YOU NEVER LEARN

SOME THINGS ARE JUST NOT MEANT TO BE YOURS

EVEN IF IT IS, SOMETIMES IT JUST WILL NOT BE YOURS IN THE END ):

唉........

I MISS YOU ):

i dont think i can do the chinese compo today ):

i'm too sad 唉.....

Dear you,

you have no idea how much you meant to me. you are like my whole world. the reason why i am still living today is because of you. the reason why i gave this fucking shitty world one more chance is because of you. every time at work, i always think of you and somehow the hours of work i had to do seemed to fly away really fast. and i never failed to be happy during work. because during work i am always alone and i will always think about you and you never fail to make me happy ): thats how much you mean to me. but why???? why why why ): i put in so much effort you know. i gave in all i had, i slept late, woke up early, everyday 都这么的拼命because of you. 很拼命想做个有用和有价值的人. 我不想再被别人看不起或者被抛弃, 所以我很拼命, 做一个值得人家appreciate的人.... and you are the reason why i am still hanging on to this 艰苦的路..... 我不想你跟别人一样, 对我好然后，久了以后就把我当成理所当然的, 和别人一样地抛弃我, 有需要的时候才来找我, 没需要的时候就把我抛在一旁..... 你不可以和别人一样, 绝对不可以....

可是... 你昨天...

还是... 或许我太自私了?

无论如何, 唯一能肯定的是你对我很重要, 非常重要.

拜托你, 不要和别人一样好不好? 不要把我当成理所当然的...

你说... 我该相信你多一次吗?

我真得很害怕.

sigh, okay. bye.

WHY ;(

2011-12-09T02:20:00.000-08:00

sometimes i just dont understand.
no matter how hard i try, no matter how hard i worked,
there is bound to be someone pulling my self-esteem and
pulling me down to rock bottom. why?
我已经很努力了...
很努力地把自己缩小,
缩到一旁, 没有妨碍到你们,
为什么你们还是要pull me down further?????
我到底对你们做了些什么??????
放过我了吧, 就算我求你们好了.
拜托.... 好不好?
please dont pull me down any further.

你以为我真的不敢吗??????
我要不是看到假如我deactivate twitter,
在30天以后如果没有acivate回的话
我的twitter就会永远消失掉了.....
要不是看在faith的份上,
因为the reason why i create twitter was because of faith,
我早就deactivate了.....
拜托你了, 不要对我那么残忍好吗???
sigh.

小鬼黄鸿升!!!!! ;)))))

2011-12-08T22:52:00.000-08:00

heheh oh yeah yeah yeah!!!
小鬼黄鸿升最可爱，永远支持小鬼!!!
hahahahhahahah; go listen to 复制人 ok.
hahahahah its nice. <3
my all time favourite <3
okay hahaha sorry spazzing.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh ~!

今天终于是FRIDAY了!!!

2011-12-08T22:49:00.000-08:00

ohkay !!! ahahaha shall start with this morning bahs :)

hmmhmmhmm, i woke up then went to work then went to buy some necessities then ate 泡面 then here i am ^^ !!! hahahahahahha, was quite pissed off just now cause twitter went to tweet stuffs which dont have my permission and i was like seriously fuck twitter seriously. tsk tsk tsk, go tweet those advertisement kinda stuffs like the fuck. GRRRR. its like someone is invading my privacy >(( fuck twitter, better behave yourself huh huh huh. hahahahhahahah, kinda 幼稚 right. but i dont like it ;-( hehehhh. hope twitter wont do it ever again. lalalallala anyways, yestersay's plan to do all those chinese was like FAILLLLLLLLLLLL. hahahahah, so today i shall not plan so much. just do finish the 应用文can already. then tomorrow after work finish the 自由创作 then sunday do science. then see when then do the oral hahahaha. fuck the oral seriously. want me to record myself talking to a machine -,- tsktsktsk. wtv larhs, dont think about upsetting stuffs already ;)))) remember must change choongying!!!!! ;))) hmmhmmhmm, so so so YOU CAME BACKKKKKKKKK !!!!!!!!! HEHEHEHEHEHEH 你回来了你回来了你回来了!!!! >///< the wait was successful wakakakaka ;))))) heheheh, i cant wait to spend the weekend with you ^^ 谢谢你!!! >,< hehehe okay, gonna do my 应用文already, byebyebye. tomorrow working day shift so will be blogging around this time bahs. hehehe ;) bye.

谢谢你 <3

我还在活在past tense -,-

2011-12-07T18:51:00.000-08:00

今天已经是Thursday了!!! (:

2011-12-07T18:46:00.000-08:00

HEYYYYY (:
Today is thursday already wheeeeeeee
tomorrow's gonna be fridayyyyyyyy!
hehehe, friday's a good good day ~~!
hehehe, its the last day of the week,
its a day where i get to workkkkkkk
its the day YOU CAME BACKKKKK ~!
hahahahahaha, okay, okay okay okay
maybe the last reason is the reason why
i'm so over the moon now wakakakakaka
but seriously :)
this week's been pretty productive.
number 1. i have made improvements
number 2. i left my chinese and science ws only
number 3. i found a reason to live and be happy
hehehehehe cool isnt it !!
teeheehee; so plans for today:
finish up all the chinese homework
*but you know i need the zuowen bu but school ran out of stock >///<
wtv, ill just do it on my com first
then wait patiently for you
hahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha
i sound like i'm in love LOL WTS.
then plans for tmr:
wake up early
go to work
do my science while waiting for you
hehehehehehe
YEASHHHHHHHHHH.
and you know what,
maybe life ain't so bad after all
god gave me you when i had lost darren
god gave me strength when i needed it the most
god gave me the courage to be true to myself
thanks.
i really appreciate it.
i will work hard.
choong ying, 加油!!!!
就算你不能天天24小时待在我身旁
就算我们也只能用这样的方式联络
我也已经心满意足了
谢谢你的支持和鼓励
我会很努力, 很努力
拼个老命把自己变得更好
因为有了你, 我相信了我自己.

okay, bye ^^
我要赶我的华文文章和口试了
byebye,
明天可能不能很早就post噢
可能要等我工作完了才能上网
对不起哦
hehehe, 我在骗谁啊????
都没有人会来我的blog了
tsk tsk tsk, 谁管我及时才会post啊???
hahahahahah, okay larhs.
bye ^^

小鬼最可爱! <3

一些可爱的照片

2011-12-06T18:56:00.000-08:00

啊~~~!!!!!

可爱吧!

谢谢你让我这么无比的快乐!

Wednesday -,-

2011-12-06T18:54:00.000-08:00

Hello Hello Hello~

hahhahahahahah

我还不错吧!

我真得很努力的在改变我自己噢!!

很努力很努力.

现在都没有emo的post了

doing my english compo now -,-

i chose the argumentative essay

one's mother tongue is not as important as the english language

what are your views

hahahahahahahahha

我百分之百disagree咯

chinese ftw WHOOTS.

heheheheheheheheheheh

yeah, many people for sure kill me wan -,-

but seriously, chinese is so much easier than english!!!

at least no grammar and stuffs

and easier to understand

well at least for me hahahah wtv

dont really care much

just wanna faster do finish my hmk

and rest hehehhhhhhhh :D

今天和明天

你都会不在

所以我就趁

这个时间赶快

做完我的功课

然后慢慢等你!

heheheheheheheheheh :D

谢谢你<3

谢谢你让我这么无比的快乐

谢谢你没有嫌弃我

谢谢你永远的支持

谢谢你<3

hehehehehehehehehehe :D

我发誓

新的一年来临时

我会加倍努力

靠个好成绩出来 ^^

谢谢你<3

okay, need to rush my hmk already

byebyebye ! <3

oh btw did i mention ms lin sms me like during november

but until now i haven reply her

i dont really care bout her.

tsktsktsktsk

hope she will 不管我

我真的不需要他们.

我自己可以

有了你我更有信心了

heheheheh <3

okay bye;

2011-12-06T02:13:00.000-08:00

刚刚去看了「一泡而红」！！
The best I tell you !!!! ><
小鬼最可爱了!!!!!!
Hehehe ! He so cute !
而且他说了一句很感人的话哦!!!!!
他说：
就算你当不了电影里的女主角
我愿意让你当我生命里的女主角
而且不管几次NG我都无所谓
最主要的是我永远都不会让你从来!!!!!!!
So touching !
So comedy too !!!
Although 小鬼出现的地方没有那么多
(是有点失望啦)
But this show is so damn fucking nice!!!
Highly recommended (:
Went with 大笨蛋和ponny today
Hehehe they damn nice larhs
没有pangseh我^_^
Hehehehehhe , lucky got them
But很像看见了edwina
但我没有去叫她
因为我想过了，
我不应该那么的自私
而且我们之间又好像有了距离
之前的那些约定都已经不存在了
不如我们从新来过
这样应该会更好吧？
希望是吧！我变了，她也变了
大家都变了，我们应该适应现在的我们不是吗？
我可以的
因为我有了你所以我相信我是可以的
我们一起加油吧！^_^
不能离开我知道吗!!!
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah (:
我是认真的，好了，Byebye for now.

2011-12-05T20:10:00.001-08:00

愛要愛得努力愛得實力又不能暴力
用力可是又不能高氣無力
不管自己行不行
為你飛天又遁地
愛上你可能愛到出人命

愛你要有勇氣要有殺氣要一鼓作氣
要變出一槍斃命的新武器
就算叫天天不應
咬著牙也要撐下去
只有自己能給力給自己
我跟你玩下去!!!!!!!

hahahahahaha sorry keep on spazzing over him <3
kekekekke, he very 努力 one okay!!! hahahahha
must support him!!! >< hahahahahahahahhahaha
sorry mus be very annoying rights. kekekekekek
he's the best i tell you.
forever making my day <3
thanks.

2011-12-05T18:19:00.000-08:00

要忍耐，必须忍耐
不可以，绝对不可以
我必须忍，我可以忍耐的
就算全世界都恨我，
就算全世界都不理我，
就算全世界都离开了我，
就算全世界根本就不在乎我的存在，我的感受
就算全世界都把我给忽略掉了，
就算全世界对我多坏都好，
我还是可以活得很快乐的
因为我有你给我的勇气
因为我有你的支持
谢谢你，谢谢你让那么无比的快乐。
请你永远都不要离开我。

谢谢你让我等于你!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-12-05T17:24:00.000-08:00

累到不行我是你的榻榻米
讓你賴皮賴床賴到你自然醒
同鼻孔出氣有我幫你抗憂郁
我幫你搞定你搞不定的自己

飛到過去讓未來漸漸地美麗
讓快樂無止盡讓悲傷無形
我給你望遠鏡我給你滑翔翼
我開啟了時光機帶著你一起

謝謝你的親親緊緊抱緊緊
我加你一加一等於唯一
follow你要follow到脫離地心引力
緊緊follow當心

謝謝你的親親讓我等於你
我和你宇宙無敵超合金
hold住你像hold住一整個地球倒立
hold住你的甜蜜
合二為一

上輩子註定你是我的創世星
超美麗的你讓我好想要保護你
你就是原因你是我的ATB
不能沒有你我要double咖啡因

不想殺青我不想現在就淡定
愛越來越3D越來越立體
你給天一個地你給圓一顆心
你發動了直升機陪我撐過去

謝謝你的親親緊緊抱緊緊
我加你一加一等於唯一
follow你要follow到脫離地心引力
緊緊follow當心

謝謝你的親親讓我等於你
我和你宇宙無敵超合金
hold住你像hold住一整個地球倒立
hold住你的甜蜜
合二為一

謝謝你的親親讓我等於你
我和你宇宙無敵超合金
hold住你像hold住一整個地球倒立
hold住你的甜蜜

謝謝你的甜蜜謝謝你貼心
你給我元氣給我超能力
我相信只有你能跟我將心比心
合體變超合金
所向無敵

TUESDAY

2011-12-05T17:18:00.000-08:00

Hello~
hehehhe, today woke up early sigh sigh sigh
anyways, later imma going to watch 一泡而红!!!!!
hehehehehe 黄鸿升so cute.
hehehe, saw the sypnosis hehehe have a feeling its gonna be nice
yayayyayayayayayay
haven found someone to watch yet though
nevermind, worse come to worse
just pull that 大笨蛋come can already hehehehe
okay. byebyebye.

MY FIRST POST

2011-12-05T06:17:00.001-08:00

Hello!
Listening to 不放弃 now!~
its the 一泡儿红de movie the song.
黄鸿升!!!!!! >///<
the lyrics very nice.
actually the 谢谢你让我等于你 NICER larhs,
but this song also nice. >///<
heheheh i like like like.
but because the 谢谢你让我等于你 is by 黄鸿升
so too bad hahahahahahhahahaha
小鬼 is so super duper cute hehehhe.
i like like like.
hmmhmmhmmm ...
just back from taiwan.
actually quite long already.
but still .......
TAIWAN IS THE BEST I TELL YOU.
hehehheheh
before the taiwan trip i already very excited already
cause i love taiwan ttm
heheheh yupz.
the days there were very fun
shopping shopping clarinet clarinet
play play play i love it
alot alot
made many new friends too
enjoyed spazzing with clarinet people
hehehe sigh, i miss those days ):
today did the english paper 2 sigh
finally huh huh huh ......
hehehe. so, anyways many taiwan buddies added me on fb
so happy
especially the 2 kiddo the cute cute one
heheh! the feng nian guo xiao there the cutiepies
hehehehe ask me play this chinese game
弄得我好头痛!!! >///<
hehehehehe but they super qtpie
then got this taiwan buddy
the cheng gong gao zhong one
name is the Lin Eric Lin guy
walaos. damn pissing me offf.
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
WALAOS, NO HUMOUR+SO SERIOUS+SO MAFAN
hahahahhahahahah ......
still the guy i like better wakakakakakakak
he's the best i tell you :)
he super nice + cute wakakakakakakak
okay, this is getting weird, shall stop spazzing.
hmmhmmhmm,
okay bye. :)

Dear Santa,
For this christmas, I would like to go Taiwan again when i get older. :)
Also, make everybody happy for this year christmas
make my mother feel better
make my seniors have excellent o levels result
make my friends be lucky and happy
allow me to become a better me.
Thanks :)
Also, you enjoy your christmas too okay.
Eat more and become fatter!
lastly, Tell god i love him and tell him thank you very much for loving me.
okay, bye Love you santa.